like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
