my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am naked and annoyed.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
