I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
