..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize