i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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