it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
