dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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