Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Let's get the cat blown out
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
