I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
