He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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