dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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