She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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