yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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