it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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