I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
