do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
