Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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