I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
