She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
