you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There r osticjed everywhere
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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