ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
