at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
