i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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