true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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