I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
from now on my penis is your penis
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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