i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
