No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
