She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
