you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
