Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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