I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
