oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
