ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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