i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
