Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
