Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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