I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
