guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
