She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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