I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I cockslap morals
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
