bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
FUCK WHALES
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