Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
