Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
