dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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