Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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