My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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