I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
this just has baby written all over it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
