One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize