I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize