Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
