he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
