the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
