That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We talked him into tasing himself.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
