so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
