How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
