Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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