It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
