Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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