No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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