My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize