bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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