bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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