Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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