that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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