Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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