ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
