I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
