I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize