imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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