I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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