I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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