Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Is it because I queefed?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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