my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Randomize
